McSweeney’s List (15 October 2025)
“You should write about being the eldest daughter,” my daughter told me.
“Ya, well, I'm not the best example; you're the queen of eldest daughters.”
“Only an eldest daughter would admit that,” she said, and my heart went smooshy.
The lore of the Eldest Daughter has been all over my timeline lately, and as much as I want to relate to the super strong, over-giving, highly independent, and successful image, it isn't quite my story. Still, huge parts of it really are, and I see myself in the description. Before I go any further, let me say that this isn't a psychological analysis; it's a perspective based on birth order theory (catch the middle child trying to get attention, catch the youngest being coddled). While that in and of itself has limited evidence beyond the anecdotal, the Eldest Daughter theory is apparently based on the collective of women who have grown old enough to recognize that they fit this mold.
The first and possibly the most interesting feature of this group -- a group that probably deserves a national holiday, but would also scoff at the time being set aside for them -- is that they parented their parents. What?! Cries the nouveau gentle parent as they juggle their therapy with their baby’s educational play group. I can see the pearl clutching now, but I imagine they’re vegan and wouldn't be caught dead in them. But yes, Miss Thing, it's likely that in hindsight, your first little angel will remind you when they themselves are adults some of the ways their tiny selves helped usher you into maturity. But that won't ever happen! I'm a fully mature person already! Look! I have this cute house, and made this whole human! Sure. And maybe it won't happen; statistically though, the parenting journey teaches us skills and levels up our maturity in ways we didn't know we needed. The growing spotlight on the ocean analogy (a personal favorite), is apt here: the bigger the spotlight gets, the more we realize the vast darkness of things we don't even know exist.
From my own path as a child, I resonate with parenting my parents in a few interesting ways. The first, was that as soon as I learned about divorce, let's say maybe seven or eight years old, I suggested that they get one. I didn't think it was like a hamster or something, I understood the concept, and figured it would serve them both well. I only vaguely remember the shocked looks over dinner as I presented my suggestion. What they didn't know at the time was that children are like blood hounds with vibes. They can sense the shifting energies, the hairline fractures that adults tend to sweep under the rug. They can see the truth behind the façade no matter how practiced the adult’s fake smile and forced small talk. Eldest Daughters learn to alchemize the energy around them: distracting from conflict, smoothing things over before others even notice the feathers are out of place, and long before they become ruffled. They risk becoming people pleasers, more concerned with the welfare of others or the harmony of the whole than their own needs and wishes.
In the end, my parents didn't take the advice of the precocious child…not right then. They finally divorced in the 2000s, after about three decades of marriage, leaving me to wonder what might have been if they’d liberated themselves sooner. I, of course, said I told you so.
Another form of parenting my parents came as I watched them struggle with their various illnesses. Between them, they shared a mosaic of mental and physical issues (and let's not forget the mental issues masquerading as physical ones). They were ahead of their time in the way they embraced therapy, but unfortunately, like so many other people, they thought the medical establishment was magic. This pill would solve it. This test would tell them the truth. I have a sneaking suspicion that the only times they felt truly well was in a doctor’s office. The only lifestyle changes they adopted were 12 step meetings for Adult Children of Alcoholics, and some personal growth retreats. They spoke more of their wounded inner children than they ever spoke of the damages they were doing to the child I was. They were distracted by themselves, and I, young though I was, saw their immaturity.
Eldest Daughters are also prone to being high achievers, self-critical, and independent to a fault. While they're pros at adjusting the temperature in the room for others, they often never learned how to receive that same care. Having had the world on their shoulders, reaching out for a helping hand is foreign to them, and sometimes even a sign of weakness. Not for others, of course: they can ask for help from her, that's understandable but she will not ask. Small acts of kindness can throw a wrench into an Eldest Daughter’s gears, causing suspicion that there might be a quid pro quo afoot. It's not that they don't feel worthy of love, they were simply never shown how to accept kindness in comfort.
And what of the Eldest Brother? Well, our gender based social roles and natural dispositions skipped that one. Even if there was an older brother in the mix, odds are it's the oldest daughter who made the meals when the parents were stuck at work, and changed the diapers of the next ones in line. While it hasn't appeared on my timeline yet, I assume they have a separate syndrome all to themselves. (*Search-search-search Oh! They do! It ends up looking like a material provider kink, though both end up suffering from stress and pressure associated with their leadership drive.)
I asked a girl who seemed really logical and put together if she was an eldest daughter, and she said she was all the daughters. Now, this might mean that she's an only child or the only girl, but it felt like Whitney Houston’s I’m Every Woman, and nothing could be more Eldest Daughter than that.
As a non-super-acheiver, a non-super-independent, I feel unworthy of the Eldest Daughter badge. I think if anyone would stress the importance of meritocracy, it's this group, so I don't want to brag without merit. My daughter is the epitome of all of this: goal oriented, in control, uber-achieving to the point where relaxation sounds like slacking. So when she told me that admitting I didn't meet all the ultra high standards (which are also emotional burdens and scars, to be fair) was exactly what an Eldest Daughter would do, I couldn't discount it. It made me think that maybe the real cherry on top is being honest, self-aware, and unwilling to accept undue compliments.
Maybe one of the best unspoken things about this birth order is that we face our shit unflinchingly, because we can't fix what we won't acknowledge. So ya, I'm flawed, disorganized, and the goals I orient towards will never garner me a yacht or corner office. I’ll tell you how awesome I am at the things I'm awesome at, and I'll casually tell anyone who will listen the litany of things I'm not yet good at -- at all. And I'm the kind of honest where I will readily admit that my own shortcomings and dropped balls contributed to the creation of my textbook Eldest Daughter. And I guess all that makes me the fearless, ever-changing, hard-loving evolution of an Eldest Daughter myself; and that puts me in some pretty classy company.
CHEAP, IN A GOOD WAY
Cheap Laughs is back, revamped and reinvented! We kept the same digs: Rustik Pub in NDG, where the vibes are homey, the drinks are dangerously cheap, and West Side folks can have a good time without passing through metro turnstiles. It's also one of those rare times where you can lure your downtown friends to your end of town, because the good times will be rolling!
Dawn McSweeney (hey, that's me!) hosts a seriously stacked lineup featuring Collin Ryan, Julie Santini, TJ Hazelden, Zak Kik, Chris Venditto, and Lawrence Corber.
Frankly, I may have gone overboard, because that's way too many funny people in one place. You'd have to hate laughter to miss this one.
WHAT: Cheap Laughs
WHERE: Rustik Pub, 5617 Sherbrooke St. W., Montreal, H4A 2Z3
WHEN: Thursday, October 16, Doors @ 730 PM, Show @ 8 PM
METRO: Vendôme (Orange)
TICKETS: Eventbrite
THE SPICE OF LIFE
Women of Colour (& Friends!) express their comedic voices in new and vibrant ways!
They Go Low, We Go Laugh is a variety show where folx of colour and marginalized identities may do stand-up, improv, storytelling, solo sketch, a poem, a monologue, a song, you name it! - all in the name of shining a little bit more light in this world.
We invite all to celebrate our voices with us.
This edition features Shahlla, Ke, Portia, Kristara, Katrina Creed, Lychee Storm, and Avery Jane.
Hosted by Sara Meleika.
WHAT: They Go Low, We Go Laugh
WHERE: Café Cleopatra, 1230 Boulevard St. Laurent Blvd., Montreal, H2X 1K4
WHEN: Thursday, October 16 @ 730 PM
METRO: St. Laurent (Green)
TICKETS: Eventbrite
DID YOU HEAR?!
Confessions is a scandalous improv comedy show inspired by anonymous, crowd-sourced secrets.
What's something you want to get off your chest? Tell us a secret, which we'll use to inspire the scenes in the show, with the completely-anonymous form found here.
Tickets are $10. But one, get one free!
WHAT: Confessions at Mile End Improv
WHERE: Mile End Improv / Théâtre VME, 5337 St. Laurent Blvd., Montreal, H2T 1S5
WHEN: Friday, October 17 @ 8 PM
METRO: Laurier (Orange)
TICKETS: Eventbrite
LIFESAVER
Not a fun thing, but an important thing. Learn emergency first aid, CPR, Basic Life Support, and how to use an Automated External Defibrillator.
Learn crucial lifesaving techniques, and become a certified life saver. All Certification issued by the Heart and Stroke Foundation taught by Code Life.
This is the kind of thing that you need to know before it comes up. Hopefully you’ll never need to use this knowledge, but it's empowering to have these things in your back pocket, and they look great on a resume.
WHAT: Montreal First Aid / BLS / CPR with AED Choking Severe Allergies ALL for Infants, Children & Adults
WHERE: Cascades Canada Ulc, 772 Sherbrooke St. W., Montreal, H3A 1G1
WHEN: Saturday, October 18 @ 9 AM, Sunday, October 19 @ 6 PM
METRO: McGill (Green)
TICKETS: Code-Life
COFFEE & CACKLES
Tales of Gender Affirmation is a comedy storytelling show about gender identity. Showcasing trans and gender diverse comedians, and an ally or two!!! This edition is at Café Eevee, a family owned spot that's continually holding space for the community, so get your coffee and food fix!
Hosted by Aloe Azimov!
WHAT: Tales of Gender Affirmation
WHERE: Café Eevee, 1251 Rue St. Zotique E., Montreal, Montreal, H2S 1N8
WHEN: Saturday, October 18 @730 PM
METRO: Beaubien (Orange)
RSVP: Eventbrite
WITCHY WONDERS
Shop your spooky heart out! Arts! Crafts! Flash tattoos! It's all here!
This event is free to attend but contributions are appreciated, and help support the event while keeping vendor table rates low. We also have Merch and Maleficarum Bags you can purchase to follow you along your maleficarum market adventures!
Over 30 artists in the weekend!
View the Artist List on our website!
WHAT: Maleficarum MTL – Vamps Vs Witches Edition 2025
WHERE: Château St. Ambroise, 4000 St. Ambroise St., #278, Montreal, H4C 2C7
WHEN: Saturday, October 18 & Sunday, October 19, 11 AM - 6 PM
METRO: Place St. Henri (Orange)
DETAILS: Facebook
FIND A FIT
Looking for the last spectacular element to your Halloween costume? Feeling the urge to wear some armor, a period garment or a mask? Repercussion Theatre has exactly what you need: a costume sale!
Repercussion is selling costumes from our past seasons directly in our offices. Most items will be set to a pay-what-you-can price. We want them to get a second life, not sit in our storage forever!
And while you're at it, why not come join us for a party and a quiz on Friday night.
WHAT: Costume Sale
WHERE: 460 St. Catherine St. W., #704, Montreal, H3B 1A7
WHEN: Thursday, October 23, 12 PM - 7 PM, Saturday, October 24, 10 AM - 5 PM
METRO: Place-des-Arts (Green)
DETAILS: Facebook
World’s Smallest Comedy Night has so many cool things happening, so here are their events this week in order!
What Do You Know? Like, Seriously…
Tonight! Come to Hurley's for Trivia Night, and get bonus laughter! Enjoy delicious pub fare, and get ready to show off your trivia skills. Grab your team, and enjoy this night of comedy, friendly competition, and great company!
This edition is hosted by Vance Michel!
WHAT: Trivia Night at Hurley's
WHERE: Hurley's Irish Pub, 1225 Crescent St., Montreal, H3G 2B1
WHEN: Every Wednesday @ 8 PM
METRO: Lucien l'Allier (Orange) & Guy-Concordia (Green)
RSVP: Eventbrite
Classic Coke
Beat the Monday Blues with WSC’s OG offering, The World's Smallest Comedy Night!
Enjoy a showcase of the best comedians in the city, hot up-and-comers, national and international touring comics, and surprises!
Hosted by Vance Michel.
WHAT: The World's Smallest Comedy Night
WHERE: Hurley's Irish Pub, 1225 Crescent St., Montreal, H3G 2B1
WHEN: Every Monday, Doors @ 7 PM, Show @ 8 PM
METRO: Lucien l'Allier (Orange) & Guy-Concordia (Green)
TICKETS: Eventbrite
Dirty Monday
The Monday Night Dirty Mic is the place to be! Hosted by Vance Michel, every show is an unpredictable and unique experience as a hilarious collection of comedians from newbs to pros take the stage. See the best before anyone else, and catch seasoned locals doing their freshest funnies!
Comics: show-up, sign-up
McSweeney’s List drops every Wednesday with the best events, workshops, and more, each week in Montreal!
