McSweeney’s List (1 October 2025)
Deserve is such a weird word.
The definition is to “do something or have or show qualities worthy of (reward or punishment)”.
We all deserve love, respect, housing, safety, clean water….but we don't need to “show qualities worthy” of those things. We've just decided that those are human rights. That everyone deserves love, even if they act in distasteful or hateful ways. Oh, but if they’d been hugged more as a child they wouldn't have murdered all those people. Stfu. But we seem to feel better (probably about ourselves) when we turn so many cheeks it becomes comical.
Let's take an easy example: when someone embarks on a career change, they hype themselves up for the interview by telling themselves that they deserve the job. It's a way to combat the imposter syndrome that seeps into each of us, a short statement that reminds them of all the studying they did, the shitty jobs they worked to get up the ladder. Once you've taken the steps, you do deserve to have your hat in the ring. You deserve to aim for the next step. At that point, if someone else gets the gig, sure you might woe is me for a moment, but you can assume pretty fairly that they also deserved it. But I deserved it more. Stfu, that line of thinking will bring you only misery, and you sound like a child.
Western yoga classes love to talk about manifesting. I think that's what they're using to replace all the philosophy and spirituality they took out of the practice. Regardless, yoga studios are also in the business of saying only sweet things (even then, only softly), and being super gentle. One of the ones I worked at was very careful to never say people get what they deserve, or that our thoughts manifest our reality, because what if something bad happened? We couldn't tell people that the bad things in their lives were based on their choices or actions, just the good things. Wild, right? As though I earned my blessings (even if they were just lucky draws), and the bad things all happen out of the blue, no actions or thoughts caused them, and so, how could our actions or thoughts rescue us from them?
I was working there when I was in an abusive relationship. I couldn't stop throwing up from the stress of my home life, and I lost a bunch of weight, which is a very popular thing in the Western yoga community. Oh, you look so great! You must tell me how you did it! I would shrug, beaming proud about the results but not the method. I guess my body is just getting rid of everything it doesn't need, I said, and for a moment it felt really true, as if my body was transforming positively, as if I felt as good as I looked. By the by, you’ll never know how fat people think you are until you lose a bunch of weight and watch their faces as they take you in, praising you for how much you lost, and how very much better you look.
Had I told them the truth, they would've told me I deserved better. That I didn't deserve the shitty place I was, the shitty place I felt stuck. Which, I suppose are the socially appropriate things to say to acquaintances, but also, such bullshit. The same people who would say murderers deserve love could immediately flip their own script when they saw someone actively trying to love the monster out of someone. They could only see the result, and not the unhealthy steps I was continually taking: the steps that led me to that man, the choice I made every day to try to get through this to the happy ending I thought was buried under all that poison. By the dictionary definition, I did deserve it; I was reaping exactly what I had sown. The cognitive dissonance stuck with me.
I know more than a few complacent people who feel certain they deserve the world. I also know some folks who keep doing the same things that don't work because they think the results they're aiming for are their birthright. That their failure is a glitch in a process that should succumb to their whims rather than admitting it's time to change course. That the system, or circumstances, or luck, or people doing them dirty, have stolen the life they deserved. Fucking self-soothing poppycock, that. No one stole your shit (unless you're Elizabeth “Lizzie” Magie, the creator of Monopoly who got royally [read royalty] screwed). The circumstances you were handed at birth, mixed with all the circumstances along the way, and a heavy dose of the choices you make, and actions you take, both good and bad, have led you to exactly where you are. You did this. You deserve this.
I imagine those lines evoke widely different emotions depending on where you read them from. If you're reading this while standing in your penthouse, admiring the view as you pat yourself on the back, the words taste like candy even if your parents bought you the place. If you're struggling, burning out, thinking I deserve this as you count coins at the grocery store, wondering how the fuck you got here, well, that’ll hit different. And it’ll hit differently if you've overcome some hella obstacles, and climbed out of dark wells. Then you’ll probably feel like the safety you've taken steps to acquire, the peace that you spend energy cultivating, the treasures however small that you hold dear, are all things you've earned and truly do deserve.
A dear friend of mine is stepping into the future she always envisioned, but didn't deserve until now. For all the years I've known her, she wished she was more independent, taken more seriously, perceived as professional. Last year, she rolled the dice and applied for jobs that were at the farthest reach of her skill set and experience, and she got one. The steep learning curve was a struggle, and more than once she doubted that she could see this through. A year later, when they gave her a raise, she knew she was already worth more than given. She smiled, nodded, and will keep on trucking, but meanwhile, she’s going back to school in her field, ensuring that she becomes as good as the future she wants. She's earning her place at the table, and when she's ready to make moves, she will deserve her step up.
Look around, Dear Reader; everything you are, and everything you have, has been built on how you've played your hand up to this point. You're where you deserve to be. Where you deserve to be next, and who you will become in the next chapter, well, that depends on what you choose now. Go do the things that lead you to your next level, and when you look back from that elevation, know that you earned it.
KEEP IT LIT
It's another edition of the JRG Literary Open Mic! Let's start with what you can't do: play a ukulele, or an acoustic guitar, or do a stand-up "tight five." What's left then? Pretty much anything (poetry, prose, screaming, etc.). A sign-up list will be made available night of, you get up to 5 minutes to quiver and thrum. Our features will be the excellent Jessica Bebenek, author of the recent collection No One Knows Us There, and all the way up from Toronto (by way of Ireland) Miles Forrester, the chief historian of Slow Town. We will also have a small tribute to Jay Ryan Gobuty, the "JRG" of JRG, who passed away last year. See yas.
WHAT: JRG “Shyness Can Stop You” Literary Open Mic featuring Jessica Bebenek & Miles Forrester
WHERE: L’Hémisphère Gauche, 221 Rue Beaubien St. E., Montreal, H2S 1R5
WHEN: Thursday, October 2 @ 8 PM
METRO: Beaubien (Orange)
DETAILS: Facebook
DINNER AND A SHOW
Laugh Knights and Trattoria Trozzo invite you to dinner and a show! Dan Kestler is hosting five comedians saying funny things. Featuring Alvaro Salvagno, Erik Intrevado, Claudio Capri and Ceecee. Come for the food, drinks, and laughter! It's a whole night!
Grab your tickets below, or 10$ at the door.
WHAT: Dan Kestler and Claudio Capri present Laugh Knights at Trattoria Trozzo
WHERE: Trattoria Trozzo, 8481 Rue St. Dominique St., Montreal, H2P 2L4
WHEN: Friday, October 3, Doors @ 7 PM, Show @ 8 PM
METRO: Cremazie (Orange)
TICKETS: Eventbrite
BIG FEELINGS
Baby, you're a haunted house!
Start working on that costume now! Attention all heartbroken ghosts, this year the costume contest judges won’t be going easy on you. All the usual looks have been done, so this year they're looking for spookier, sexier and extra emo!
Featuring Horror Visuals, Halloween Makeovers, Best Dressed Wins Plushies!
Themed Drinks include Ghoul Gulp, Fright Night Fizz, and Scream Shooter!
They're looking to fill multiple staff roles too, so check the details on the events page if you're looking to make a buck or boooo (*gigglesnort).
WHAT: EMOween Montreal 2025
WHERE: Cabaret Berlin, 1982 St. Catherine St. E., Montreal, H2K 2H7
WHEN: Saturday, October 4 @ 8 PM
METRO: Papineau (Green)
DETAILS: Facebook
FOR THE LOVE OF LUNA
In early 2026, four astronauts – including one Canadian – will fly around the Moon. In this 1-hour, 360° planetarium show, you're going to learn all about their mission, Artemis II.
We'll go back and look at the first Apollo missions. Then we'll learn about our upcoming voyage to the Moon. We'll finish by going into the future, and see what life would be like to live on the Moon and look back at our home planet.
The show takes place inside of a 6-meter inflatable planetarium dome (coincidentally, about the same size as the Orion spacecraft that will be used on Artemis II!)
There are 10 comfy seats available inside. This small crew size means you can have your questions answered.
WHAT: Planetarium Show - Artemis II: Tomorrow’s Moon
WHERE: White Wall Studio, 4531 Hôtel-de-Ville Ave., Montreal, H2T 2B2
WHEN: Saturday, October 4 @ 330 PM, 445 PM, 6 PM, & 715 PM
METRO: Mont-Royal (Orange)
TICKETS: PlateauAstro
EXTRA SERVING
Join us for the last Glorify event of the year, our GOTHICC edition! Looking for your big titty goth girlfriend? (Girlfriend here refers to people of many genders because this is an epicly diverse and queer cast!) Well, look no further than this epic line up of thicc babes ready to turn heads while they turn tricks. Featuring Venom Vice, Carmen Mayhem, DeVery Bess, Incendiaire, River Reverie, Lola Bunny, BB Abundance, and Patience Plush. Hosted by Mina Minou! This is our 3rd and biggest glorify cast yet!
In addition to this epic line up, we will also be fundraising with an awesomely juicy raffle for Sudan Solidarity Collective, an organization based in T.O. that is dedicated to advocacy, education, and fundraising for on the ground civilian led war relief.
WHAT: Glorify: GOTHICC Edition
WHERE: The Wiggle Room, 3872 Boulevard St. Laurent Blvd., Montreal, H2W 1Y2
WHEN: Sunday, October 5, Doors @ 7 PM, Show @ 8 PM
METRO: St. Laurent (Green) & Sherbrooke (Orange)
TICKETS: WiggleRoom
World’s Smallest Comedy Night has so many cool things happening, so here are their events this week in order!
What Do You Know? Like, Seriously…
Tonight! Come to Hurley's for Trivia Night, and get bonus laughter! Enjoy delicious pub fare, and get ready to show off your trivia skills. Grab your team, and enjoy this night of comedy, friendly competition, and great company! This edition is hosted by Vance Michel!
WHAT: Trivia Night at Hurley's
WHERE: Hurley's Irish Pub, 1225 Crescent St., Montreal, H3G 2B1
WHEN: Every Wednesday @ 8 PM
METRO: Lucien l'Allier (Orange) & Guy-Concordia (Green)
RSVP: Eventbrite
Classic Coke
Beat the Monday Blues with WSC’s OG offering, The World's Smallest Comedy Night!
Enjoy a showcase of the best comedians in the city, hot up-and-comers, national and international touring comics, and surprises!
Hosted by Vance Michel.
WHAT: The World's Smallest Comedy Night
WHERE: Hurley's Irish Pub, 1225 Crescent St., Montreal, H3G 2B1
WHEN: Every Monday, Doors @ 7 PM, Show @ 8 PM
METRO: Lucien l'Allier (Orange) & Guy-Concordia (Green)
TICKETS: Eventbrite
Dirty Monday
The Monday Night Dirty Mic is the place to be! Hosted by Vance Michel, every show is an unpredictable and unique experience as a hilarious collection of comedians from newbs to pros take the stage. See the best before anyone else, and catch seasoned locals doing their freshest funnies!
Comics: show-up, sign-up
WHAT: Monday Night Dirty Mic
WHERE: Hurley's Irish Pub, 1225 Crescent St., Montreal, H3G 2B1
WHEN: Every Monday, Sign-up @ 10 PM, Show @ 1030 PM
METRO: Lucien l'Allier (Orange) & Guy-Concordia (Green)
DETAILS: Facebook
McSweeney’s List drops every Wednesday with the best events, workshops, and more, each week in Montreal!
